333333333333333 66666666 66666666 3:::::::::::::::33 6::::::6 6::::::6 3::::::33333::::::3 6::::::6 6::::::6 3333333 3:::::3 6::::::6 6::::::6 3:::::3 6::::::6 6::::::6 3:::::3 6::::::6 6::::::6 33333333:::::3 6::::::6 6::::::6 3:::::::::::3 6::::::::66666 6::::::::66666 33333333:::::3 6::::::::::::::66 6::::::::::::::66 3:::::36::::::66666:::::6 6::::::66666:::::6 3:::::36:::::6 6:::::66:::::6 6:::::6 3:::::36:::::6 6:::::66:::::6 6:::::6 3333333 3:::::36::::::66666::::::66::::::66666::::::6 3::::::33333::::::3 66:::::::::::::66 66:::::::::::::66 3:::::::::::::::33 66:::::::::66 66:::::::::66 333333333333333 666666666 666666666 _____ _ _ _ / __ | | | | | | | / / _ __ _ _ ___ | | | | | | __ _ _ _ ___ | | | '__|| | | | / _ | | | |/| | / _` || | | |/ __| | __/| | | |_| || __/| | / /| (_| || |_| |__ _____/|_| _______|____||_| / / __,_| __, ||___/ __ | | | _ (_) __/ | / _| | |_ ___ | | | | _ ___ _ __ ___ ___ |____ ___ | |_ | __|/ _ | | | || |/ __|| '_ / _ / __| / _ / _ | _| | |_| (_) | | |/ / | |__ | |_) || (_) |__ | __/ | (_) || | __|___/ |___/ |_||___/| .__/ ___/ |___/ ___| ___/ |_| _ | | (_) | | | | | | | | | _ _ __ ___ ___|_| | _ __ | | ___ _ _ __| | | | | || '_ / __|/ _ | || '_ | | / _ | | | | / _` | | |____| || | | || (__| (_) || || | | | | |____| (_) || |_| || (_| | _____/|_||_| |_| ___|___/ |_||_| |_| _____/ ___/ __,_| __,_| by terri d. lazylucyfan (dot) nekoweb (dot) org ========================================= Please End this nonsense known as the Loud House... Here are a few suggestions how to do it. ========================================= WARNING! Some of these killing methods may be illegal in your area. Disposing of the body may also pose a problem. Please consult your local city clerk's office for a current copy of laws and regulations before carrying out your daily Lincoln disposal. ========================================= 1. Make him watch his own show. 2. Make him gargle broken glass. 3. A pack of rabid Rottweilers. 4. Used for radiation shielding. 5. Pecked to death by a flock of blue jays. 6. Drop him from a bridge onto the in-bound lane of the Trans-Canada Highway. 7. Slap some antlers on his head and send him into the woods during November. 8. Move every third molecule 3 feet to the left until he closely resembles Picasso's "Guernica". 9. Satanic ritual. 10. Hollow him out and fill him with Bac-o-bits, use as Swiss Colony store display model. 11. Cryogenically freeze him, then cut out shamrock shaped pieces of his body, dye green, and use as lapel pins for St. Patrick's Day. 12. Shoot him. 13. "Lincoln, I would like you to meet Dr. Kevorkian..." 14. Nitroglycerin suppository. 15. Donate his body to science...early. 16. Well, just call my cousins Guido and Vinnie and tell them that you kinda placed $200 in a bag under the rock in the park....mention the fact that you would _love_ to have Lincoln Loud's knee-caps as conversation pieces. 17. Ask the owl in the tree, "How many layers of skin does it take to get to the middle of a Lincoln Loud?" Peel off layers of skin one at a time. 18. Slowly lowered into a vat of sulfuric acid. 19. Have Lisa do an experiment to magically turn Royal Woods into a vacuum... watch his body explode. 20. Body cavity search with a lightsabre. 21. Accepts double dare to run across BC-99 at 3:00 PM on Friday. 22. Put him in one of those inflated bounce amusement park things...for a year or so. 23. Prepare him as food in any number of ways (deep fried and breaded is my personal favourite) then grind up his bones for fertilizer. Sell food to an enemy. Watch enemy become Lincoln. Then repeat the process as many times as you like... 24. Sew his lips to his asshole. 25. Take him into space and put him into a decaying orbit. 26. Cut him up with a dull chain-saw. 27. Toss him into a blast furnace. 28. Make him a referee in an NHL game. 29. Tell the kids of the world that Lincoln Loud wants you to eat your vegetables. 30. Put a Roto-Rooter up Lincoln's butt. 31. Ebola virus. 32. Put him in a guillotine; put the rope holding up the blade in his mouth and then beat his ass with a jagged piece of metal until he screams. 33. Put him on the Starship Enterprise. Make him go up to Worf and ask him if it's true that all Klingons are really wimps. 34. Dip him in tar (anything sticky will do), cover him with hundred-dollar bills and throw him into a pit full of lawyers... 35. Cut open his gut until the entrails lie splayed out on the floor. Don't give him a needle and thread. 36. Tie him down in the middle of the Sahara Desert and let the vultures have him. I am not sure that is a good idea because we don't need to be that cruel to the vultures. 37. Sent to clean up a nuclear reactor without protective gear. 38. There is the old "Cement Overshoes", but that could be considered water pollution. 39. Make him write, "I will not be a demon sent from the lowest depths of hell" 100 times with a piece of chalk only 1/4 inch long. 40. 16-metric-ton weight. 41. Bury all but his head in an anthill. Cover with honey. See how effective that torture method _really_ is. 42. Shark bait. (Need to cut him up a little first...) 43. Let him take the place of a car crash dummy. 44. Random act of terrorism. 45. Let him have a loooong visit in the Marinaras Trench. 46. Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g. 1,1,1-trichloroethane, acetone, carbon tetrachloride). 47. Send him to inspect an underground nuclear test site, minutes before the next test. 48. Send him to Somalia as famine relief. 49. Target practice. 50. Send him on a candlelight tour of the Wilson Dynamite factory. 51. Pack his parachute all wrong and push him out of an airplane. Then throw the chute after him. 52. Drag Lincoln to the Recycle Bin. 53. Get him to neuter a Pit-Bull Terrier. 54. Cruise missile target. 55. Plutonium enema. 56. Sucked down a black hole. 57. Captured by Vogons and forced to listen to their poetry. 58. Lock him in a room with 10 rabid raccoons. 59. Send him on a walking tour of the La Brea Tar Pits. 60. Lies on a tanning bed way too long. 61. Take him bungee jumping. Forget to secure bungee cord. 62. Poke him in the belly. With an ice pick. See if he laughs like the Pillsbury Doughboy. 63. Clubbed by a baby seal hunter. 64. A nice refreshing dip in toxic waste. 65. Send him to the BC rainforests. Maybe Bigfoot will try to mate with him. 66. Hide unshielded plutonium under his bed. 67. Swept away by a flash flood. 68. The Juice Tiger. It separates the Lincoln pulp from the Lincoln juices. 69. Ground up and canned as cat food. 70. Use him to insulate the steam pipes at your local nuclear generating station. 71. Move the setting of the show to an actual inner-city suburb. 72. Use sharpened circular saw blades in a fun game of frisbee with Lincoln. 73. Use him as evidence to prove that the acceleration of gravity is 9.8 m/s^2 on Earth. Oh! and make sure that it is off of the Burj Khalifa too. 74. Thrown to the lions. 75. Use his head to plug up leaky dikes in Holland. 76. Use him as a bungee cord. 77. Accidentally(?) stepped on by Voltron. 78. Let him help put out forest fires. 79. Teflon bullets to the skull, chest, and genitalia of the beast. 80. Throw him into a combine. 81. Bazooka blast to the cranium. 82. Nuclear Bombs. Nuff said. 83. Tie him up like a pinata and have small children beat it to death. 84. Drown him in gasoline and then set it ablaze. 85. Throw him in a vat of methylene chloride. 86. Use him for an 18 wheeler's traction. 87. Have him inspect the space shuttle's engines at T+60. 88. Acupuncture with railroad spikes. 89. Use him as a test subject at the Army's Biological/Chemical/Nuclear Warfare unit. 90. Place him underneath equal quantities of iron oxide and powdered aluminum. (use lots of both... < 50kg... mix well, but carefully) Toss in a lit sparkler. 91. Freeze him with liquid nitrogen, and repeat step 83. 92. See if liquid helium has similar effects. 93. Cover him in a mixture of 110 Octane AvGas and Ivory Soap Flakes. (mix until gel-like) You'll need another sparkler. 94. Force-feed him potassium chlorate solution. 95. Have him transported to Israel/Palestine, where everyone over there can unite under a single cause for once in a thousand years and kill him! 96. Microwave ovens work wonders. 97. Tie him down in a chair and force him to listen to country music, until even HE goes insane with all the sap! 98. Have him climb trees near overhead power lines. 99. Exploding gas barbecue. 100. Date with Lorena Bobbit and/or Tonya Harding. 101. Rusty meat hook. 102. Pulp digester / Saw mill. 103. Run over by a steamroller. 104. Attacked by Daleks. 105. Give him two bottles. #1 is filled with nitroglycerine and napalm. #2 is full of pepper. 106. Mustard gas. 107. Cave diving with only 5 minutes' worth of oxygen. 108. Barbed wire body wrap. 109. Drain-O milkshakes. 110. Have him apply at Oscar Meyer as "Hot Dog Filler". 111. Make him wear a pentagram and send him to a Baptist church 112. Virtual Realty LoudHouseDOOM. 113. Lethal ingestion of bean sprouts and tofu. 114. Send him to a Buddhist Cafe and order the Filet-mignon. 115. Send him to France and have him declare he's American. 116. Gored and trampled by a crazed elephant. 117. Trip over a waterfall without benefit of barrel. 118. Hand-to-hand combat with Predator. 119. Tell him nitroglycerine can be made in a paint mixer. 120. 100 cans of JOLT and a titanium steel vault. 121. Tell the NRA he supports gun control. 122. Send him to a country western bar and have him play heavy metal. (reversible) 123. Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to open). 124. Shoot him, tie him to a tree and run over him with a Buick. 125. Make him run UNIX on a Tandy Colour Computer 3. (128k total) 126. Give him the box from Hellraiser and tell him it's a Rubix Cube. 127. "Can I have a drink of that, Mr. Socrates?" 128. Enroll him on a 15 step program while on a 10 step pier. 129. Tell him piranhas like to be petted. 130. Make him watch footage of himself until he pukes to death. 131. Shove a Q-tip down his ear and through his head. 132. Shove him into a meat-grinder. (Don't actually cook the meat and serve it, though!) 133. Put in the middle of the Daytona 500 race track with only a helmet. 134. Infect Ronnie Anne with some debilitating disease, then, since Lincoln obviously makes out with her regularly, sit back and watch the fun. 135. Inject him with all the chemicals that go into Hostess Twinkies. 136. Pour equal, and large, amounts of ammonia and then bleach down Lincoln's throat( a funnel may come in handy) then stand back and watch the corrosive chlorine fumes quickly melt his organs from the inside out. 137. Tie him under a huge magnifying glass on a real sunny day; you've made a new treat! "LOUD FRITTERS"! 138. Captured by Cardassians. 139. Get him a lifetime subscription to the "unstable explosive of the month club". 140. Bungee jumping with frayed cord over sharp rocks. 141. Peg 60-pound dumbbells at him until he dies. 142. Lock him in a tiny elementary school locker, plug up the bottom slats, then slowly drop bugs in through the top slats (preferably creatures like spiders and centipedes). If you get tired of this get a gun and shoot Lincoln through the locker door. 143. Make him drink fabric softener until he softens to death. 144. Put him in an old car that's being put in the crusher. 145. Petrified by Medusa. 146. Stuff him down the garbage disposal. 147. Trick him in to walking through a mesh of high intensity laser beams. Look! Little bitty Linky pieces! 148. Give him drowning lessons. 149. Tylenol laced with cyanide. 150. Sacrifice to a tribal god 151. Fed through a branch/leaf shredder (or office paper shredder). 152. Trampling by thousands of tiny spongy feet. 153. Asphyxiation on a twinkie. 154. Bungee jumping with chord tied around neck. 155. 1000 RPM merry-go-round. 156. Building sandcastles in a quicksand box. 157. Dragged behind a school bus on a gravel road. 158. Leg caught in elevator doors. 159. Choke him to death on the wide end of a spatula. 160. Nasal spray or eye drops replaced with concentrated acid (e.g. nitric, chromic, hydrofluoric, sulphuric, or hydrochloric) 161. Add crushed glass to his granola or high fibre cereal. 162. Home lobotomy kit. 163. Thrown in a vat of bleach. 164. Paint him black and turn him over to a white supremacist. 165. Death match against Robocop. 166. One very large Ziploc(TM) bag. 167. Slides down ramp covered with razor blades. 168. Cruise missile. 169. Shove him into a pit with a starved lion. 170. Run over by a zamboni. 171. The Loud House theme song triggers avalanche. 172. "Accidentally" shoved in front of a subway train. 173. Drop an anvil on his head. 174. Swarmed by killer bees. 175. Put gasoline in bottles of wine, lie to him so that he will drink them, then give him a cigarette (spontaneous human combustion will result). 176. Kidnapped by members of the Columbian drug cartel (or is he the ring leader in disguise?) 177. Chopped up into pet food (Purina Loud chow) 178. Shintu massage as administered by a sumo wrestler. 179. Assimilation by the Borg. (but they probably wouldn't want him) 180. Acupuncture with a nail gun. 181. Hit and run at a school crossing. 182. Brain scrambled (rescrambled?) by aliens. 183. Body cavity search using a fish scaling knife. 184. Harpooned by a whaling ship 185. OOPS! Lincoln shouldn't have soldered that propane tank while full. 186. Tossed into shark-infested waters. 187. Put him in a Ford Pinto, then tailgate in an Audi 5000. 188. Crushed between plates in a fault line. 189. Inquiring minds want to know...What is the tensile strength of Lincoln Loud? 190. Used as a guinea pig in a pain threshold study. 191. Replace the powder in his Pixie-Stix candy with cocaine. 192. Egyptian mummification ritual. 193. Visit to the taxidermist. 194. Blasted with a Neuron-T-disrupter. 195. Forced to watch "The Wall" video without his happy pills. 196. Give him a lead role in a snuff film. 197. Tie him up in a white sheet and call Ghostbusters. 198. Bludgeoned to red paste. 199. Compressed to a singularity. 200. Bent, folded and mutilated by the post office. (would be worse if you didn't write "fragile" on the label) 201. Lincoln goes for a spin on a cyclotron. Too bad about the sudden stop. 202. Heat pasteurization. 203. Lincoln stars in an Itchy and Scratchy movie. 204. Put Lincoln in an old Star Trek episode, in a RED SHIRT. 205. Put Lincoln in a Star Trek Next Generation episode, in a goldshirt. 206. Confine him with Marvin the depressed Android (Douglas Adams). 207. Use Lincoln as a test subject for exotic new nerve gases. 208. Fix his hemmorhoids with the electric hedge trimmer. 209. Feed him fish & chips (& vinegar - Acetic Acid) and top it with lots of salt. (H2C3 H2O ) +NaCl -> Na2C3 H2O + HCl 210. Send him to Montreal wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey. 211. Blended into McLoud shakes, and pressed into McLoud patties (would you like McFries with that?) 212. Send him to a cannibal infested island. 213. Make him stick his head in a paper shredder, or a garbage disposal, or a lawn mower... you get the Idea. 214. Use him as archery practice. 215. Use him as bayonet practice. 216. Tie him to the back of a semi. Drive over very hard surfaces. 217. Tell him that lying in the road is fun. 218. Send him to Spain for "The running of the bulls" (tie weights to his feet) 219. Travel back in time and convince his parents to use contraceptives. 220. Throw him in a alligator pit. 221. Put him in a blender and sell him as children's cough syrup. (Of course that would be cruelty to Children!) 222. Used in a TV commercial promotion of Ginsu Knives. Even after cutting this tin can, the ginsu knives rip through Lincoln's flesh with ease. 223. Diplomatic mission with Klingons. 224. Deep sea diving in a locked steamer trunk. 225. Give Lincoln a gasoline shower and then make him smoke. (Burn baby burn). 226. Make him take a bath and drop a radio, hair dryer, microwave, and etc. in there with him. 227. Put him on a NYC subway without an weapon. 228. Put him on a NYC bus without money(and watch what the drivers do to him). 229. Nato air strike. 230. Live organ donor. 231. Nuke everything, everywhere, ever. Twice. 232. Nail him down to a sidewalk, then get a bicycle and ride back and forth over him until he dies, relishing the sounds of his bones crackling and breaking like newspapers, seeing seams burst open in his sides and foam guts flying out them, hearing his final agonized screech before you crush his head with a tire. 233. Shove his head in a floppy drive, then type "format a:". 234. Make him sit in the passenger seat of an experimental sports car, speed the car up to an incredible velocity, then shove his head out the window and watch his layers of skin float away. 235. Lead role in a snuff film. 236. Send him to a Gay Pride parade wearing a shirt that reads "I hate queers". 237. Clothes wringer. 238. Place Lincoln in a quarantine room and give him an injection of the latest Level 4 viruses, including Ebola. 239. Fed through a wood chipper. 240. Head used for hood ornament. 241. Perform dentistry on him with a Black & Decker electric drill, using a really big drill bit. 242. Force feed him Flint, Michigan tap water. 243. Make him swallow broken light bulbs. 244. Force-administer him lots and lots of Barium enemas. 245. Shove a beer bottle up his ass and smash it with a hammer. 246. Burn him repeatedly with a cauterizing wand. 247. "Accidentally" leave the heart defibrillator turned on, with the paddles superglued to his chest. 248. Smash in all his teeth with a crescent wrench, then perform root canals and extractions of them all without using novacaine. 249. Three-week old urine specimens. Need we say more? 250. Souffle a'la Loud. Microwave or conventional oven. 251. Trampled flat by the Green Bay Packers. 252. Let him fiddle around with a magnetron. 253. Toliet bowl cleaner and Comet forced down his throat. 254. An enema made with a whole box of automatic dishwasher detergent. 255. Dress him like a drag queen and drop off at a biker bar. 256. Knock over the row of Harleys at the same bar, blame it on him. 257. Place Lincoln at the bottom of an elevator shaft. Load the elevator with grand pianos, bring to top floor, and cut the cable. 258. Inject with crank, speedballs, and opium; put PCP in his crack pipe. 259. Large double-headed dildo, filled with strong acid or alkali, inserted into Lincoln's bunghole and left to disintegrate. 260. Strapped to medieval torture device, and worked on till mortality. 261. Send him to a gay bar with a repertoire of the cruelest gay jokes. 262. Send him to McHugh's Irish Pub with repertoire of Irish jokes. 263. Jack In The Box cheezeburgers. Lots of them. 264. Lincoln the Construction Worker.... oops! 265. Stab with used syringes from the AIDS testing laboratory. 266. Replacement quarterback for any NFL team. 267. Replacement goalie for any NHL team. 268. Lincoln bumper guards on any seagoing garbage scow. 269. Replacement "Jason" on any "Friday the 13" movie. 270. Send him out trick or treating in the bad part of town. Don't give him a flashlight or reflective clothing. 271. The Lincoln Loud Christmas Tree holder. Be sure to use frayed cords for the tree lights, running the cord underneath him. Water well. 272. Test target for any railgun. 273. Make him smoke in a cigerette lighter factory. 274. Product tester for the Ex-Lax company. Do not provide toliet. 275. Tank full of electric eels. 276. Government LSD test subject. (Acid-O-Therapy) 277. Lincoln. Warp core breach. End of story. 278. Seal Lincoln in a Jefferies tube, release neurophosgene gas. 279. Transporter malfunction. 280. Lock Lincoln in a cage with Asian bird-eating tarantulas. Lots of them. 281. Shove a paper bag down his throat. 282. Make him swallow defective condoms filled with heroin. 283. Put him in the pressurized chicken fryer ala KFC Extra Crispy. 284. Lock him in a commercial freezer with an ammonia leak inside. 285. Decompression chamber. 286. Bicycle messenger in New York. 287. Lance open abdomen to expose viscera, leave near anthill. 288. Open heart surgery, "forget" about using anesthesia. 289. Chainsaw enema. 290. Shotgun enema. 291. Feed a liquid diet deficient in iron and fibre, and let him die of chronic diarrhea. 292. Insulin injections. Lots of them. 293. Test target for a 40 megawatt beam of positrons and antiprotons. 294. Replacement insulator for high tension transmission line. 295. The Lincoln Loud Ballast Resistor. (a little tight fitting in TV cabinet) 296. Insert broom handle up Lincoln's bunghole, and use as a toliet plunger. 297. Wire him to hi-power FM transmitter and use as a dummy load. 298. While he's douching, rehook his enema hose to the vacuum cleaner. 299. Replace all his golf clubs wit lug wrenches and tire irons. Make him carry his own bag. 300. Force-fed all the urine samples from the drug testing lab. 301. Force-fed dozens of leaking flashlight batteries. 302. Strapped down under a 2500-watt mercury vapour lamp with a broken outer envelope for 16 hours. Then rub in moistened salt paste with coarse-grade sandpaper. (Hint: Mercury lamps emit LOTS of ultraviolet) 303. Band saw. 304. The Black & Decker Pecker Wrecker. 305. Saw off his sack (castration). 306. Pour petrol in his eyes and light it with a lighter. 307. Abdominal peritonitis. 308. Feed him lots of calcium and baking soda. (alkalosis and kidney stones) 309. Dropped in a launching tube with the Canada Day fireworks. Light the fireworks tubes with his birthday candles. 310. Used as a urinal at a multiple-keg beer bash. 311. Anthrax and rodent-vector hemmorhagic fever injections. 312. Used as guinea pig in AIDS research. 313. Pilgrimage to the Holy land. 314. Test out the new Loud-Slicer from Ronko. 315. Cover with honey and show him how Clyde McBride broke your Uncle Milton Ant Farm. 316. Put him in a blender, heat to warm....Loud-De Jour. 317. Two words "Loud Burgers." 318. Put Lincoln in an espresso maker, Cafe LoudTastic. 319. Shove live rats up his ass and let them eat thier way out. 320. Hook up a vacuum cleaner to his colostomy bag, set for Edge-Kleener. 321. Crazy glue his anus closed, and force feed him five bottles of Fleet Phospho-soda saline laxative. 322. Sharpen up the old wood ax and give him a "Split Personality." 323. Shove a cordless telephone up his ass and call his number until he answers it. Call collect. 324. Laser eye surgery, using Star Wars technology. 325. Make him count the transistors in a Pentium chip. Punish severely every time he loses count, so he has to start over. 326. Boeing aircraft crash test dummy. 327. Make him do surgery on his own bunghole. Hand him plenty of dull knives and scissors to do the job with. Dip scissors in an unflushed toliet, rotting kitchen garbage, or other bacteria-laden places. 328. The Lincoln Loud Aquarium Ornament. After a few days, buy some nice pirhanas for the fishtank, turn off the light, and dump them in. 329. Give him several balls coated with contact explosive and ask him to juggle. 330. The Lincoln Loud Lightning Rod. 331. Lincoln meets Elmira (I'm gonna hug him and squeeze him to itty bitty pieces.) 332. Strap into a wheelchair. Unscrew the brake handles, and roll off the top of a San Francisco or Seattle hilltop. In either case, he should hit water at the bottom. 333. The Lincoln Loud Toliet Seat Cover. 334. Strap into a wheelchair, and roll towards the front of a large jet aircraft. Callously allow him to be sucked into the engine intake. 335. Re-enactment of the Spanish Inquisition 336. Cram him into a toliet tank and drop off a tall cliff or building. 337. Force him to hand-spin the "disk" inside a hard disk drive. Punish each time a disk error occurs. If too many errors occur, cut off his hands and spank him with them. 338. Walking tour of the Serengeti. 339. Soak him thoroughly and deposit him in Antarctica. 340. Given LSD while standing on top of the CN Tower. 341. Adorn him with rainbow jewelry and pink triangles, then send him to a skinhead rally. 342. Tie 25 large tomcats to him, then toss him into a swimming pool. 343. Tumbles into a Sarlacc pit. 344. A very large Cuisinart(TM). 345. Make him eat chicken in Hong Kong. 346. Pop fluorescent light bulbs over his head until he chokes on all that white powder and dies. (Wear a respirator when you do this) 347. Throw Lincoln into an electrical vault. Water well. 348. The Lincoln Loud Candleholder. Let the candles burn all the way down. 349. Put him halfway in an open elevator. Have someone up on the roof to cut the cable before he gets all the way inside. 350. Feed him Ex-Lax brownies, then sew his lips to his asshole. 351. Ben-Gay his genitalia. Tell him it's to stop "morning wood". 352. Shove a lamp up his bunghole, then turn it on and walk away. Be sure to use a 100W or larger light bulb. 353. Recreate the Challenger accident with Lincoln playing substitute teacher. 354. Put him in a black Mercedes and send into a tunnel with photographerson motorcycles taking his picture. 355. Replace the wrecking ball at a demolition with Lincoln. Wreck a building or two with this contraption. 356. Dry-clean Lincoln. Immediately toss him into a gas fired clothes dryer, start it, and glue the timer knob to the machine. Run like hell! 357. Abandoned in the middle of the Sahara Desert with no water. 358. Lock him in a suitcase and leave at the YYJ airport. I don't think they've fixed their suitcase-eating baggage carousel yet. 359. The Lincoln Loud Diaper Pail. Give it to those people who had septuplets. 360. Have him field all of the hate calls to Nickelodeon for ever putting The Loud House on the air to begin with. 361. Insert seal bombs, cherry bombs, Roman candles and bottle rockets into all of Lincoln's bodily orfices and skin folds. Connect fuses together and put them in an electrically-fired squib. Wire the squib to the smoke alarm, and then go burn some toast. 362. Insert some Whistling Petes into his bunghole. Light the fuses. 363. Clean up spilled gasoline with paper towels, then throw them in the toliet. Force him to smoke while taking a dump. Be sure he throws the match (or the cigarete stub) in the toliet afterwards. 364. Jam full bottles of champagne down his throat. Set him on a really shaky or strongly vibrating amusement ride for awhile, then hit him in the stomach with a tire iron. 365. Wind fifty strings of Christmas lights around him, then take him outside, set in shallow water, plug the lights in, then kick him over. 366. Force him to listen to how he's dead, until he believes it and actually dies. ========================================= This should provide you with one (1) cruel method to dispatch that hideous orange-shirted nymphomaniac for EACH and EVERY DAY of the coming year, including leap year. Lincoln is the worst and most overrated Nicktoon character and needs to be dealt with swiftly and very severly! killlinc.txt Displaying killlinc.txt.