WISCONSIN-ISMS A handy guide to the English language as spoken in Dairyland. A careful study of these terms is recommended before attempting conversation with the native cheese-heads. AIN'A (Ayna) - Used in much the same manner as the Canadian HEY, this term is usually found at the end of a sentence, such as "We should get us a coupla cold brews, aina?" Closest literal translation would be "Isn't that so?" BETATAH (Buh-TAY-tuh) This is a starchy tuber grown and eaten in Wisconsin. Known as a potato outside of the state, this vegetable is usually eaten with meat. BRANDY Distilled wine. Wisconsin consumes 90% of the brandy produced in the US. It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it. BRAT (Braht) Short for Bratwurst, Wisconsin's favorite sausage. Brats contain pork, beef, and spices. Lots of spices. A brat-fry is the social equivalent of the New England Clambake or the Texas Barbecue. Brats are not fried at a brat-fry, they are grilled over charcoal, simmered in a beer-and-onion broth, then served on a bun with mustard, onion, kraut, and a cold brew. BREW (Brew-Ha, Brewski, Brewster) A bottle, can, or glass of beer. Also known as SUDS, BARLEY-POP, BARLEY-SODA, GOLDEN FOAMY, and MALTED MOTHERS MILK. BUBBLER A drinking fountain. Originally named after the valve, which caused the water to "bubble up" when turned on. Ask where the water-fountain is, and the Wisconsinite will direct you to the nearest bubbler. CANNIBAL SANDWICH Raw ground sirloin served on dark rye bread and covered with thin-sliced raw onion. Obviously invented by someone who hated to cook, this is definitely an acquired taste. CHEESE-HEAD Originally coined as a derogatory term by the flatlanders to the south, the name has been adopted and may be used freely. COFFEE-KLUTCH A friendly gathering at which coffee is drunk, schnecks consumed, and gossip is spread. COOLER BY THE LAKE Meteorological condition where temperatures are lower in the immediate vicinity of Lake Michigan (the big pond). Most uttered phrase during summer weather reports. DAIRY AIR Also known as HEIFER-MIST. Although some may think that this natural by-product of the dairy industry smells like manure, to a dairy-farmer it smells a lot like money. Just watch where you're walking. DEER HUNTING The Wisconsin version of Marti Gras. Each November, thousands of male residents go up north to drink a brewski and bag a bambi. FIBS (Fibber) FIBS is an acronym for Fucking Illinois Bastards - those people "south of the border" who drive like wild maniacs (toll-free) all the way to the Dells. FROZEN CUSTARD A sinfully rich form of ice-cream made with real cream, real eggs, and real good! Not to be confused with "soft-serve", true frozen custard bypasses the digestive process and converts directly to body fat. GEMUTLICHKEIT Pronounced just like it is spelled. This German word means good-natured, genial, or friendly. The ability of people to make you feel welcome. GEORGE WEBB Bar-time four star restaurant. Most often populated from 6:00 A.M. to 11:30 P.M. by police officers. IMPORTED BEER This is any variety of brewski that is not produced in Milwaukee. When you ask for an imported beer in a Milwaukee tavern, you'll probably get a Coors. KETTLE-MORAINE A geological feature of Southeastern Wisconsin caused by the melting of the glacier. A kettle is a sharp depression, and a moraine is a hill or ridge composed mostly of mixed loose rocks. It makes for great scenery, but it's hell on road-builders. MOO JUICE (Mooooo Juice) Simply put, milk. PASTY (PASTE-Y) Meat, potatoes, and vegetables wrapped in a pie crust and baked. Imported to Wisconsin by Cornish lead miners. SCHNECK Any sweet pastry, roll, or doughnut. The proper way to eat a schneck is to dunk (doonk) it in your coffee. SMELT FRY In early spring, a small fish known as a SMELT migrates towards the shore of Lake Michigan during the night to spawn. Thousands of Wisconsinites show up at the piers with huge nets to catch the little buggers. They are then taken back to the tavern, beheaded, gutted, fried, and eaten (washed down with lots of brewski's). Truly, a right of spring. SODA If you want a carbonated soft drink, ask for a soda. If you really want soda (plain carbonated water) ask for seltzer. If you ask for pop, you'll get that smug grin that says "not from around here, are you?" SHEEPSHEAD This has nothing to do with the Godfather. It also has nothing to do with sheep. It is a card game. You have to be born here to understand it. It is played with only 30 of the 52 cards. Yes, sheepshead players are not playing with a full deck. STOP'N GO LIGHTS Traffic signals to you, but isn't that dull? After all, one light means stop, the other means go, so what else would you call them? UFF-DA A Norwegian expression which does not translate well. The closest equivalent would be the Jewish "Oy Vey". UP NORTH (pronounced "Up Nort") Where people go for vacation, fishing, or hunting. A very general term, up north is sometimes reached by traveling East or West. Anywhere 100 miles or more from where you are, and in a generally northern direction may be considered "up nort". UPer (Yooper) A native of Michigan's upper peninsula (UP). For these people, up north is Canada. WINTER (Also known as a "WISCONSIN WINTER"). This is one of Wisconsin's two seasons which lasts approximately 9 months. The other season is the ROAD CONSTRUCTION season, lasting roughly 3 months. Ya Der Hey! One can judge the sobriety of a Wisconsinite by the way he answers this question: "Hey Stan, wanna Brewski?" If the answer is "Ya Der Hey!", then Stan is only on his first six pack of Blatz. If he answers "Not now no more, eh?!" then he could only bowl a 110, and probably would not pass a blood-alcohol test (even if he studied for it).