*=-- --=* { George Carlin: nonconformist, liberal, open-minded, and by far } funnier than any other comedian-come-lately. His latest effort { has been transcribed for your carnal [dis]pleasure. Enjoy! } *=-- --=* *=-- --=* { the } -=*/> Buzzz Bros. <\*=- present _____________ AN INCOMPLETE LIST OF IMPOLITE WORDS: 2,443 FILTHY WORDS AND PHRASES Part I Compiled By George Carlin ______________ Text Entry by Havoc { } *=-- --=* Note ------ During the nearly twenty years since the "Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television" first appeared on the Class Clown album, and especially since the time (1982) when the idea was expanded to include impolite expressions of all types, TV-banned or otherwise, hundreds of people have sent me suggestions on words and phrases which they thought ought to be included on the list. Some sent single items, while others submitted long lists they had obviously taken some trouble to compile. I wish now I had kept a record of their names. Not knowing I would one day attempt this project, my practice at the time was to add the submitted entries to my "filth" folder, send the person a few autographed items (albums, pictures, videos, shirts) in appreciation, and discard the original letters. I wish I had handled it differently so that I could give them credit here. But, of course, the real credit belongs to the thousands of people over the centuries who invented these phrases in the first place, folk poets, all. To those who sent me their suggestions, you know who you are, and I thank you from the bottom of my farting clapper. George Carlin Male Genitals --------------- aaron's rod arm baby-maker beef blue vein meatroll bald-headed butler bald-headed mouse belly buster bathtub eel bearded blood sausage bird bone baloney banana bat bayonet bean tosser beef belly ruffian blade broomstick bum tickler bush beater button-hole worker cock candle carrot club crack haunter cranny hunter cracksman creamstick culty gun carnal stump chicken child-getter chink-stopper corey crook dick dork dong doniker dingus dipstick dagger dart of love dearest member dickey ding-dong dinger dingle-dangle dummy dodaddy dolly dooflicker down-leg dragon eel end family organ fiddle bow fish fishing rod flapper fool-sticker forefinger fucker foreman gun gut wrench giggle stick gadget gardener giggling pin gooser gravy maker grinding tool gristle gut stick hair splitter hambone hammer hanging johnny hoe handle holy poker horn hose hot rod heat-seeking moisture missle hairy hot dog jack in the box jemson jerking iron jigger jing hang jockam johnnie johhny one-eye the bald-headed champ johnson joint joy knob joy prong joy stick key kidney cracker kielbasa king member knob knocker ladies' delight ladies' lollipop ladies' treasure lamp of life lance life preserver little brother little willie liver turner live sausage lizard lob lobcock lobster lollypop long john love dart love gun love missile lucy lung disturber mad mick magic wand man-root marrow bone master john thursday master of ceremonies meat meat hook meat whistle member merry maker middle leg milkman mister goodwrench mister tom mouse muscle mutton dagger my body's captain natural scythe needle nimrod nippy noodle noony old blind rob one-eyed night crawler in the turtle neck sweater one-eyed milkman one-eyed trouser trout one-eyed wonder worm pant muscle pecker pee-pee pen pencil pendulum perch peter piccolo pike staff pile driver pin pink pencil pipe pisser pistol plugtail pocket piccolo pocket rocket pointer poker pole pork pork sword post prick pride and joy prong pud pudding pump handle purple-helmeted warrior of love pup putz quickening peg quimstake ram ramrod rawmeat reamer redcap rod rod of love rolling pin root rudder rupert russell the wonder muscle st. peter salami sausage sceptre schlong sexing piece shaft shmock short arm shove devil shvontz silent flute skin flute snake spigot spike-faggot spindle split-rump spout staff steaming hot kanga stem stick sting stump sugar stick sword tail pin tally-whacker tassel tent-peg thing third leg thistler throbber throbbing python of love tickle-gizzard tickler tong tool torch of cupid toy trap-stick trouser anaconda tube steak uncle dick vomiting cobra wand wang wazoo weapon wedge wheenie wacker whip whistle whore-pipe wick willie winkle wire worm yang yard yosh zubrick Well-Endowed (male) -------------------- Basket for days donkey-rigged double-shung hung like a bull miracle meat timbered tons of basket tons of meat well-favored by nature well hung yard Semen ------- baby food baby juice bull gravy buttermilk chism come cream crud cum duck butter fetch glue gravy hockey honey hot milk jam jazz jelly jism jizz juice letch water load love liquor man oil marrow mettle milk oil of man ointment oyster prick juice pudding scum seed slime soap spendings sperm spew spratz spume spunk starch stuff tail juice tail water tallow wad white blow white honey Semen Related --------------- pearl necklace pecker tracks wet dream Ejaculate ----------- big bang bust your nuts come come off cream cum die in a woman's lap drop your load fire a shot get off get the dirty water off your chest get wet get your cookies get your jollies get your rocks off go off number three pop a nut shoot shoot off shoot your wad spend squirt Testicals ----------- ballocks balls bangers beecham's pills bird's eggs boo-boos charlies cherries chestnuts clangers cojones cubes danglers eggs family jewels glands goolies jewels kanakas love apples marbles marshmallows nards nuts onions plums pounders rocks seeds slashers spunk holders squirrel food stones swingers Scrotum --------- ball bag hairy bag poke sack Crab Lice ----------- active citizens crabs crotch crickets gentlemen's companions neighbors to the south pants rabbits seam squirrels Syphllis ---------- coachman on the box french gout irish mutton ladies' fever lifelong friend neapoliton bone ache old joe siff spanish needle the old dog Gonorrhea ----------- buner clap dose gleet glim haircut lues lulu morning drop piss pins and needles piss pure cream stank cock strain tear Female Genitals ----------------- ace of spades adam's cave altar of love bearded clam beaver belly entrance black bess bluebeard's closet box brown madam bull's eye bunny bush button hole cabbage patch canal candle holder cat's meat cave of harmony cavern cellar door chocha cleft clutch cockpit cookie coot cooch cooze coupler crack cranny crease crevice crotch crumpet cunny cunny cunt dimple divine scar donut drain eel-skinner fish tank fort bushy front window fur furbox furburger furrow gap gaper gash gate of heaven ginch ginny girl-street goat-milker gravy-maker gully-hole hair haircourt hair pie happy valley harbour of hope hatch hog eye hole honey-hive honey-pot horse collar hot box hot spot house under the hill irish fortune itching jenny jack nasty-face jaxy jelly-role juice box keyhole lady jane lamp of love lapland lather-maker little mary locker long-eye love tunnel lower lips magpie's nest main vein manhole mark of the beast meat meat grinder mom's homemade slit pie mound mount pleasant mouse mouth-that-cannot-bite muff naf nature's tufted treasure nest niche nook nooky notch oat-bin old mossyface organ grinder oven oyster catcher patch pelt penwiper pie piece pin cushion pipe cleaner piss flaps pit playpen pocker poke hole poontang poor man's blessing prick purse pussy quiff quim quiver rose screw-hole slash slit slot snapper snappin' pussy snatch snatch-box stank steam room stuff socket sportsman's gap sugar basin tail temple of low men tool-chest toy shop treasure chest trench triangle trim tube tuna taca tunnel tunnel of love twat tweeze twitcher vag valley venus highway vertical smile wet cave of lust wooly-burger works yawnie yum-yum Female Genitals (related) --------------------------- boy-in-the-boa Female Genitals (related) --------------------------- boy-in-the-boa Female Genitals (related) --------------------------- boy-in-the-boa Female Genitals (related) --------------------------- boy-in-the-boat bush button cherry clamp clit clitty cleopatra lady's low toupee lather letch-water love juice man-in-the-canoe merkin mugget pussy fart vaginal blood fart Breasts --------- apples balcony balloons bangers bazongas bean bags big brown eyes bon-bons boobies boobs bottles boulders bullets busters bumpers butterbags cantelopes gazongas glands globes grapefruits guavas handful hand-warmers headers headlights hills honkers hooters howitizers jaboos jibs jugs jumbos kazongas knobs knockers lactoids loaves loblollies love bubbles love muffins lulus lungs mammets mams mangoes meatballs meat loaves melons milk cans milkshop mounds mount of lillies mountains muffins mulligans murphies nancies nature's fonts niblets ninnies nippers nodules noogies nubbies nuts oranges orbs ottomans pair nuts oranges orbs ottomans pair palookas papayas paps peaches peaks pears pects peepers pillows pips pokers pontoons potatoes pumpkins pumps rib cushions roundies sandbags scones scoops set shakers shimmies skin sacks snuggle pups spheres spuds stacks stuffing sweater meat sweet rools swingers tamales tetons tidbits tits titters titties tomatoes tooters torpedoes twangers twin peaks twofers umlauts upper deck waldos warheads warts watermelons whoppers wobblers wongas yabbos yams zeppelins Menstruation -------------- aunt flo aunt rosie is in town all's not quiet on the waterfront blood week collywobbles curse of eve drip entertain the general fall off the roof flying the flag having the painters in high tide holy week jinx little sister is here monthlies my buddy my friend on the bun on the pole on the rag period problem ragging ragtime red flag red sails in the sunset riding the cotton bicycle riding the cotton pony road up for repairs sick stop sign tail flowers that time that way the captain is at home the curse the foe the hammock is swinging the plague the thing the visitor turns wearing the bulky roll woman's home companion Sanitary Napkin ----------------- bandage clout cuntrag fanny rag flag granny rag manhole cover mouth mattress muck rag pleasure garden padlock rag red flag window blinds Pregnant ---------- about-to-find-pups apron up baby-bound bagged belly up big with child broken-kneed clucky cocked-up coming fresh delicate condition double-ribbed fragrant full of heir gone to seed have a dumpling have one in the oven have one's cargo aboard in a family way in pod in the pudding club in trouble knocked up loaded looking piggy on the bones P.G. pillowed preggers preggy shot in the giblets storked stung by a serpent swallowed a watermelon seed up and coming up the stick wedged up with squirrel Fornication ------------- a bit of jam action ball ballock boloney ride bananas and cream bang basket making batter beef beef injection be in a woman's beef belly ride belt blanket drill blow off the loose corns board boff bone bore bottle bounce bump bump fur bunny stick burry one's wick bury the bone bush patrol buzz the brillo cane change one's luck charge chuck a tread climb cock up come across couple with cover crack it cram crawl cream cut dance the mattress jig daub of the brush dick dicky dunk diddle dig your stinger in the honey dip your stick dip your wick dirty work at the crossroads do do a dive in the dark do a flop do a push do a slide up the board dog do it do the deed do the nasty ease nature exchange spit feather-bed jig feed the dummy fiddle firk fit end to end fix her plumbing flesh session flop flop in the hay four-legged frolic frig fuck fun and games get a bit get a chunk get a crumpet get a hunk get a little get a piece get a snipper get a wet one get home get in get into her pants get into some serious flesh get it on get jack in the orchard get laid get lucky get one's ashes hauled get one's greens get one's leather stretched get one's noodle wet get one's oil changed get some get some action get some ass get some crack get some hair get some hole get some pussy get some stuff get some tail get some tweeze get your bean waxed get your pole varnished give her a stab go all the way go like a belt-fed motor go to bed with go to it go to town go vaulting grease the wheel grind grind on'e tool hanky-panky have have a bit have a bit of giblet pie have a bit of summer cabbage have a blow through have sex with hide the ferret hide the salami hit on the tail hock hop on horizontal refreshment hose hot roll with cream hump impale introduce charlie invade irish whist jazz jink job join paunches jounce joy ride jug juke jump jump on one's bones knock knock off a piece know ladies' tailoring lay lay off with lay some pipe lay the hip lay some leg leap leap on lie lie with lob in love make make feet for childrens shoes make it make love make out with make the scene making babies makin' whoopie mate mess around mingle limbs mix one's peanut butter mount mugg muss nail mail two bellies together nick nib nig nub nut oblige off park your yacht in the hair harbor peel one's best end peg perform pestle piece piece of ass piece of pussy piece of snatch piece of tail pile pile-driving pin plant the oats play at all fours play hide the bone plow pluck plug pocket the red poke pole pole work polish your rocket pop pork post a letter pound pump punch push put the boots to put the tool in the shed quimsticking ram ride rip off rites of venus roasting the broomstick roll roll in the hay rock rod roger romp root rootle roust rub bacons rub up rumble rumple rutting salt saw off a chunk score screw scutz around secret services service shack up crew scutz around secret services service shack up shaft shag shake shake the sheets shoot between wind and water shoot one's wad short arm practice shove shtup sink the sausage sink the soldier slam sleep with slip her a length slip into split spoil suattin' on the hog squat jumps in the cucumber patch squeeze and a squirt stab stable my naggie strop one's beak strum stuff swing tail-work take a turn in the stubble take a turn on shooter's hill tear off a piece tear the sheets the disappearing cane trick the matrimonial polka thread thread the needle throw a hump throw a leg over throw a shot thump tie the true lover's knot tiff tip the long one to be intimate tooling in the woods tops and bottoms trim trim the buff trip up the rhine tumble tumple turn up twiddle varnish one's cane vault vitamin F wap wham what mother did before me wind the clock womanize work work out work the dumb oracle work the hairy oracle yard yentz Sexual Arousal (both sexes) ----------------------------- blotty brimming bulging cockish dripping for it feeling hairy frisky fuckish gamy hairy horny hot hot-assed hot and bothered hot nuts hot pants humpy in the mood in season itchy pants juiced up juicy lathered moist motor running on for one's greens oncoming pruning ramish randy ready rooty ruttish sexed up tumbling ripe turned on up wet Sexually Fixated ------------------ cock-happy cunny haunted cunt-struck Testaglia ----------- blue balls hot rocks love nuts lover's nuts stone ache Condom -------- balloon cheater close combat sock diving suit drop catcher eel skin fear-not french letter gasket joybag one-piece overcoat pipe pullover port said garter raincoat rubber rubber glove safe scumbag sheath showercap tail sheath Erection ---------- bone boner bone on burgeoning truncheon captain standfish flagpole hard hard-on horn in one's best clothes irish toothache mean-on morning pride old hornington on the stand pants pusher piss hard piss proud prod proud below the navel proud mary rail riser rise in the levi's rod-on rock python spike stalk standing ware stand-up stiff stiffer steely dan sporting a sequoiya throbber woody Illegitimate Child -------------------- accident adulterine babe of love bachelor's son bar steward bastard born out of wedlock bush colt bye-blow catch colt chance-born chance child hasty pudding love child merry-begotton child misbegotten momzer natural nephew niece out-child side wind single child son of a bitch squeaker stall whimper whoreson yard child ________________________ End of Part I Continued in BB file #14 -=*/> Buzzz Bros. <\*=- (c) MCMXCI ________________________