---------------------------------------
			:+=+---------------------+=+:
			:+=+-K-MART III-FOR THE: +=+:
			:+=+-----UNCRUPULOUS-----+=+:
			:+=BY TORQA DUN/DATA GEN.+=+:
			:+=+---------------------+=+:


  He stands atop a lonely hillside, the cold biting at his skin as the chill
wind whips through his hair, setting it off in a menagerie of disarray.  He
surveys the scene..the ominous structure ahead of him, forbidding and clammy
steel.	With the battle cry of "Remember Split Infinity!" he bounds doen the
hill, over dusk and rock until he stands before the object of his nightmares,
K-Mart.  Not wasting any time, he strides to the doors and flings them open
with an air of aristocracy.  He is met by a cold blast of stale air as he gapes
in awe at the vast array of "kwalitee" merchandice for the throngs of people to
buy.  He laughs inwardly and ignores the youth group leader begging for
contributions at the door.  Knowing exactly what he is doing, he heads to the
back of the store.  He has used the covented techniques before but now he is
ready to go beyond.  He is ready to cause utter havoc.	Finding no one manning
the defunct "Pet section" our hero access the "page" fone option and says
"ATTENTION K-MART SHOPPERS..FOR THE NEXT TWO MINUTES, ALL THE MERCHANDISE YOU
CAN CARRY, HAUL, DRAG, OR LIFT TO CHECKOUT IS 80% OFF!" Then vacates the area
and watches the commotion as the throngs of greasers lug refrigerators, tv's,
appliances and even whole kitchen ensembles to checkout in a mad rush to buy as
the K-Mart people run here and there trying to no avail to restore order.  With
the general populous caught up in that commotion, he goes to the "toiletries"
department and takes a bottle of "PRELL" from the shelf.  He feels a moment of
guilt flash through him but that is swept aside by the years of training he has
had.  Opening the bottle he writes "MATT ACKERET DOES IT WITH FIRE HYDRANTS" or
something of the sort.	"Oh my!" he thinks, my bottle is 1/2 empty!  well,
remeding that, he opens it and proceeds to piss in it and shakes it up,
replaces it on the counter, and does this to 5 more.  "That was lucky" he
thinks as he heads to the kwalitee K-Mart TV department.  When this place is
devoid of life, he turns the tv's all off and all to different stations, with
volume jacked up to 10 and reatreats.  The kwalitee K-Mart compyooter dept.
has more fun for our hero..  the demo's can be easily rigged to give quite a
shock, our valiant vigilante thinks as he unplugs the VIC-20 sitting there and
wets down the plug.  He heads off to the Sporting Goods department to find even
more laughs awating him to the dismay of K-Mart employees.  Wow!  a K-Mart test
finger bowling ball!  golly!  He then proceeds to bowl over that little old
lady down the aisle (very sneakily, of course) or/and her basket of kwalitee
merchandise.  Fishing rods you say??  He strides to the waiting poles (ick!)
and easily attaches the fly at the end to that EVERLAST punching bag over in
the corner.  Replacing it in the rack and doing this to twelve others, our hero
has now rigged up the ultimate net-trap for the unsuspecting greaser.  Shufflig
off to the foodstuff department our protaganist opens the bags of waiting
goodies and munches down, replacing the half-eaten bag with greatest caution.
Soon the entire shelf is a litter of Dorit-os, Frit-os, Tostit-os, mini
Burrit-os and all the other "o's" you might want..  Lingerie time..  thinks our
anarchistic friend.  He trots off to the kwalitee lingerie dept..  Whipping out
his MAGIK-MARKER(C) he makes little smiley-faces over all the crotches (sorry
ladies) of the panties..

illustration..

		  *   *
		    _

		 !_____!

and a fone number of an arch-enemy...

  Well, it is about time to leave but before he goes he makes one last trip to
the page fone and says "ATTENTION K-MART SHOPPERS, THERE ARE BLUE-LIGHT(YAY)
SPECIALS IN THE KWALITEE K-MART SHOE, BATHROBE, KITCHEN APPLIANCE, TV, STEREO,
LINGERIE, FOODSTUFF, COMPUTER, AND SHAMPOO DEPATMENTS..."

  In the commotion of the greasers runnin g this way and that to get at these
precious items our wonderful guy slips out the back door and into the parking
lot as the TV's go blaring and the guy plugs in the compuer....

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===================================

  And what does our hereo see but..  a pay fone!
  coming next:PRANK CALLING WITH FINESSE.

THANX:

THE DAREDEVIL
--- ---------
THE WARLORD
--- -------
LED ZEPP
--- ----
THE SURGE
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